Personal Trainers

This one is pretty funny...
---------------------- Forwarded by Sally Beck/HOU/ECT on 01/10/2001 06:09 PM
---------------------------

Enron North America Corp.

From: Patti Thompson 01/10/2001 05:08 PM

To: Sally Beck/HOU/ECT@ECT
cc:
Subject: Personal Trainers

Like you have time to read this... It is really funny.

PT
---------------------- Forwarded by Patti Thompson/HOU/ECT on 01/10/2001
05:05 PM ---------------------------

Sue Foust
01/10/2001 03:43 PM
To: Karen Snow/HOU/ECT@ECT, Michelle Bruce/HOU/ECT@ECT, Diane
Ellstrom/HOU/ECT@ECT, Linda K Loukanis/HOU/ECT@ECT, Marilyn M
Schoppe/HOU/ECT@ECT, Glenda D Mitchell/HOU/ECT@ECT, Joan Winfrey/HOU/ECT@ECT,
Julie Flahaven/NA/Enron@Enron, Lisa Walker/HOU/ECT@ECT, Michelle
Thomason/NA/Enron@Enron, Patti Thompson/HOU/ECT@ECT
cc:
Subject: Personal Trainers

---------------------- Forwarded by Sue Foust/HOU/ECT on 01/10/2001 03:32 PM
---------------------------

SHERRI SORRELS <ssorrels_vitoltvl@yahoo.com< on 01/10/2001 12:38:20 PM
To: Cyndi Alvarado <cyndi.alvarado@enron.com<
cc: Dee Yocum <day200@yahoo.com<, Lisa Murray <SLMHTX@AOL.COM<, "Diane
O'Brien" <CUDELZ54@HOTMAIL.COM<, SANDIE PIERCE <spierce@ppchouston.com<, Mary
Reed <mreed@us.amadeus.net<, Lisa Rudy <starme98@hotmail.com<, Jessica
Sanders <spedster14@hotmail.com<, Shelby Sanders <shelbywelby@hotmail.com<,
Crystal Schwartz <cschwartz_vitoltvl@yahoo.com<, Jan Skoog
<JSKOOG_VITOLTVL@YAHOO.COM<, TERRI SMITH <tsmith3@enron.com<, Lori Sorrels
<lsorrels61@yahoo.com<, Sue Foust <sue.foust@enron.com<, Gabor Fuzesi
<gabor@flash.net<, Cassie Gordon <GORCASS@LYCOMING.EDU<, Toni Gordon
<louise36c@hotmail.com<, Delores Harton <mistyblue_58@yahoo.com<, JULIE HUNT
<jhunt_vitoltvl@yahoo.com<, Joni Krizay <teddybear219@hotmail.com<, LORI
REYES <TXLORI@HOTMAIL.COM<, GINNY LYMAN <gdunn126@aol.com<, Joyce Lynn
<mlynn@enron.com<, Terri Maldonado <tmaldonado@statesman.com<, CRYSTAL
CAMPSEY <honeydew784@aol.com<, Lydia Cannon <lydia.cannon@enron.com<, Jolie
Carter <onensyncfan@knoxy.net<, Juanita Carter <redcarter@knoxy.net<, Karen
Ener <KDE@VITOL.COM<
Subject: Fwd: Fw: REALLY CUTE

< < This is dedicated to every woman who ever attempted to get
< << into a regular workout routine, (or use one of those Ab-Doer
< machines

< << Dear Diary,
< <<
< << For my fiftieth birthday this year, my husband (the dear)
< purchased
< a
< << week of personal training at the local health club for me.
< Although I
< << am still in great shape since playing on my high school softball
< team, I
< << decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
< << I called the club and made my reservations with a personal
< trainer
< << I'll call Bruce, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics
< << instructor and model for clothing and swimwear. My husband seemed
< << pleased
< << with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep a
< diary
< << to chart my progress.
< << Monday:
< << Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it
< was
< << well
< << worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Bruce waiting for
< me.
< << He is something of a Greek God - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a
< << dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!
< << Bruce gave me a tour and showed me the machines. He took my
< pulse
< << after five minutes on the treadmill. He was alarmed that my pulse
< was so
< << fast, but I attribute it to standing next to him in his Lycra
< aerobic
< << outfit.
< << I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his
< << aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring. Bruce was
< << encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching
< from
< << holding it in the whole time he was around.
< << This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
< <<
< << Tuesday:
< << I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the
< door.
< << Bruce
< << made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air - then
< he
< << put
< << weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I
< made
< << the full mile. Bruce's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile.
< << I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
< <<
< << Wednesday:
< << The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying on the
< toothbrush on
< << the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I
< have
< << a
< << hernia in both pectorals.
< << Driving was okay as long as I didn't' try to steer or stop. I
< parked
< << on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Bruce was impatient with
< me,
< << insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice
< is a
< << little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he
< gets
< this
< << nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on
< the
< << treadmill, so Bruce put me on the stair monster.
< << Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an
< activity
< << rendered obsolete by elevators? Bruce told me it would help me get
< in
< << shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.
< <<
< << Thursday:
< << Bruce was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as
< his
< << thin, cruel lips were pulled back into a full snarl. I couldn't
< help
< << being
< << a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Bruce
< took me
< << to work out with dumbbells.
< << When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. He
< sent
< << Lars
< << to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine -
< which I
< << sank.
< <<
< << Friday:
< << I hate that bastard Bruce more than any human being has ever
< hated
< << any
< << other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny,
< anemic
< << little cheerleader wanna-be bastard. If there were a part of my
< body I
< << could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
< << Bruce wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any
< triceps!
< << And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the &@#$*~
< << barbells
< << or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. (Which I am sure you
< learned
< << in the sadist school you attended and graduated magna cum laude
< from,
< << Bruce, you Nazi bastard).
< << The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and
< nutrition
< << teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama
< coach
< << or the choir director?
< <<
< << Saturday:
< << Bruce left a message on my answering machine in his grating,
< << shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing
< him
< << made
< << me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked
< the
< << strength even to use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven
< straight
< << hours of the *$@#& Weather Channel.
< <<
< << Sunday:
< << I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can
< go
< and
< << thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year
< my
< << husband (the BASTARD) will choose a gift for me that is fun - like a
< root
< << canal or a hysterectomy.
< <<
< <<
< <
< <Suzanne Cox
< <Tenor Networks
< <6200 S. Syracuse Way, Suite 125
< <Greenwood Village, CO 80111
< <303 874-5153
< <303 874-5154 (fax)
< <
<

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