Fw: If Texans didn't think this way... this would be funny!!!!

---------------------- Forwarded by Darron C Giron/HOU/ECT on 01/30/2001
08:12 AM ---------------------------

Dawn C Kenne
01/30/2001 08:01 AM
To: Jennifer Baer <jbaer1@maine.rr.com<, "Amanda Barnard"
<ajbarnard@houston.rr.com<, Pam B Boxx/HOU/ECT@ECT, Michelle Bythewood
<rbwood@ix.netcom.com<, "Bythewood, Richard" <rbythewood@txi.com<, "derek
campbell" <derek.campbell@paslode.com<, PMDESMAR@earthlink.net, Linda J
Ewing/HOU/ECT@ECT, maxnbev@wesnet.com (Max Fledderjohann), mafrit@cvtv.net
(Marie Fritsche), "garynkay" <GARYWGARRETT@email.msn.com<, Darron C
Giron/HOU/ECT@ECT, kristi.giron@cfisd.net, HeightsHappy@aol.com @ ENRON,
"Jinnette, Reed" <Reed.Jinnette@compaq.com<, "Keeling, Ingelisa"
<ikeeling@velaw.com<, "B. Kenne" <yona_edoda@yahoo.com< @ ENRON, "don e
kenne" <donkit@tnaccess.com< @ ENRON, plmichaud <plmichaud@pdq.net<, Mark
Troyer <mtroyer@swbell.net<, "Ray Vincent" <raylvincent@hotmail.com< @ ENRON,
<tina.vincent@bcminc.com< @ ENRON, Michelle C Waldhauser/LON/ECT@ENRON, Eric
Wardle/HOU/ECT@ECT, Terry wilson <wlsnt@yahoo.com< @ ENRON, "Tracey Wilson"
<twilson@officefurnishings.com< @ ENRON, Jason Wolfe/NA/Enron@ENRON, Ed
Zajicek <e.zajicek@pentasafe.com<, gary.wilson@oracle.com, Phillip M
Love/HOU/ECT@ECT, Jennifer Bagwell/NA/Enron@ENRON
cc:
Subject: Fw: If Texans didn't think this way... this would be funny!!!!

---------------------- Forwarded by Dawn C Kenne/HOU/ECT on 01/30/2001 08:03
AM ---------------------------
From: Torrey Moorer on 01/30/2001 07:56 AM
To: Dawn C Kenne/HOU/ECT@ECT, Peter Berzins/NA/Enron@Enron, Matt
Motsinger/HOU/ECT@ECT, Simone La Rose/HOU/ECT@ECT, Adam
Johnson/NA/Enron@Enron, Tara Sweitzer/HOU/ECT@ECT
cc:

Subject: Fw: If Texans didn't think this way... this would be funny!!!!

---------------------- Forwarded by Torrey Moorer/HOU/ECT on 01/30/2001 08:01
AM ---------------------------

Jim & Tracey <lawstar@swbell.net< on 01/29/2001 05:40:50 PM
To: Torrey.Moorer@enron.com, Malcolm Guidry <mamosi.guidry@prodigy.net<,
Kilraven19@aol.com, CMcgalin@aol.com, "BAKER, ERIN R" <EBAKER@entergy.com<
cc:
Subject: Fw: If Texans didn't think this way... this would be funny!!!!

----- Original Message -----
From: Aleta Nash <anash@spnbl.com<
To: Carol Foster <cfoster.GWPO.SPNBL_GWDOMAIN@spnbl.com<; Doneane Beckcom
<dbeckcom.GWPO.SPNBL_GWDOMAIN@spnbl.com<; Dana Overstreet
<doverstreet.GWPO.SPNBL_GWDOMAIN@spnbl.com<; Michelle Pitts
<mpitts.GWPO.SPNBL_GWDOMAIN@spnbl.com<
Sent: Monday, January 29, 2001 4:54 PM
Subject: If Texans didn't think this way... this would be funny!!!!

Foreigner's Travel Guide to Texas
<
<
< Like it or not, the new Texas White House will be in Crawford, Texas and
< soon will be drawing a number of people to the state, including many who
< are not used to Texas ways. They might find the following advice useful.
<
<
< 1) Don't expect to find filet mignon or pasta primavera at the local
< restaurant. It's a cafe. They serve hamburgers and chicken fried steak.
Let
< them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your
ass.
<
<
< 2) Don't laugh at the names (Merleen, Bodie, Bubba, Bobby Ray, Curley,
Tammy
< Lynn, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.). Or we will HAVE to kick your ass.
<
<
< 3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda. In Texas it's called a
< coke. Nobody gives a damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or
< whatever - it's still a coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an
ass
< kicking.
<
<
< 4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (read some
J.
< Frank Dobie). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer than
< you. Don't refer to us as a bunch of cowboy hicks, or we'll kick your
ass.
<
<
< 5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Howard Hughes, H. Ross Perot,
< Southwest Airlines, Dell computers). Naturally, sometimes we have small
< lapses in judgment (e.g., Phil Gramm). However, we are not dumb enough to
< let someone move to our state just so they can run for the US Senate. If
< anyone tried to do that they would get a serious ass kickin'.
<
<
< 6a) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Gen.
Hood
< you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington.
<
<
< 6b) IF you visit the Alamo, take your hat off and be properly humble, or
< we'll kick your ass.
<
<
< 7) We are fully aware of how hot it gets and high the humidity is, so shut
< up about it. If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen, or we'll
< kick your ass.
<
<
< 8a) Do not attempt to eat tamales without first removing their corn husk
< casing. Everyone will instantly know that you're a Yankee.
<
<
< 8b) DO NOT, under any circumstances, complain that the chili is TOO hot or
< contains no kidney beans, this will get your ass kicked into next week.
<
<
< 9) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know
they
< are not. Many of us have visited Northern hell-holes like Detroit,
Chicago,
< and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here,
Delta
< is ready when you are. Move your ass on home - before we kick it.
<
<
< 10) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we
< don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what
we
< are saying. All other Texans understand what we are saying and that's all
< that matters. Now, go away, or we'll kick your ass.
<
<
< 11) Don't complain that certain areas of this state "smell" of oil. If
< your livelihood depended on those wells you'd soon learn to love the
aroma.
< Besides, None of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you
< whine about OUR scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass all the way back to
< Pittsburgh, PA.
<
<
< 12) Don't ridicule our Texas manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold doors
< open for others. We offer our seats to old folks. Such things are expected
< of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired
< grandmothers, or they'll kick your ass -- just like they did ours.
<
<
< 13) Don't think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in small
< towns. We do this because we have enough sense to not live in crime
< infested cesspools like Baltimore. Make fun of our small towns and we'll
< kick your ass.
<
<
< 14) DO NOT DARE to tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your ass
< shot (right after it is kicked). Criticize the barbecue and you may go
home
< in a pine box -- minus your ass.
<
<
< 15) Remember, the only reason you are lucky enough to be here in the first
< place is because we have not pulled the Border Patrol off the Rio Grande
and
< put them on the Red River (where they really belong) to keep your ass out.
<
<
< 16) Enjoy your visit.