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----- Original Message ----- From: Deanna Sliger To: Alan Pinkston ; Angela Deemer ; Bill Knutson ; Bob Stachlschmidt ; Stacey Dickinson ; James Ottney ; JoAnn McManus ; Karen Baker ; Kerry Schwartz ; Marcy Lanning ; Melanie Traveler ; Mike McAuliffe ; Patty Allen ; Randy Tripp ; Rik Scott ; Shane Pinkston ; Steve Ouellette ; AllStaff Sent: Thursday, December 20, 2001 8:16 AM Subject: Honest Answers from the Guy in the Red.. If Santa answered his mail honestly... Dear Santa, I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer yer Frend, BiLLy Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a great career in lawn care. How about I send you a frickin book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! Santa ---------- Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah Dear Sarah, Your parents were smoking pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa ---------- Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do? Love Teddy Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa ---------- Dear Santa, I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. Only gay people want tubas. I'll set you up with a nice Barbie. Santa ---------- Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan Dear Susan, Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch. Santa ---------- Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas Dear Thomas, All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. These producers seem to like fat studs. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of all the cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know. Santa ---------- Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica Dear Jessica, Are you really that gullible? I'll bet you're blonde. Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Santa ---------- Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one? Timmy Timmy, That whiney, begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa ---------- Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? Love, Marky Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky", it sounds gay. That's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like your mother's boyfriend does, thru the bedroom window. Sweet Dreams, Santa
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