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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Le Ugly American Mr. Hendrie Tours France -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Le Ugly American II Mr. Hendrie Goes South of the Border -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Miss America, The lovely Kate Harmon, is sporting the swimsuit she chose for this evening's competition. Miss Afghanistan is sporting the heavy smothering burqua, as chosen (well, required) by the oppressive Taliban regime.M iss America is a junior at Portland State University, where she's advancing toward her Master's degree in Bioethics. Miss Afghanistan is forbidden from receiving any education at all, and cannot read or write. Miss America has worked as a lab assistant at both the Oregon Health Sciences University and the University of Puget Sound. Miss Afghanistan is, well... She's absolutely forbidden to work. Ever. Miss America's father is an engineer, and her mother works as a teacher. Miss Afghanistan's father was shot by a gang of Taliban militants, but her mother is alive and well, begging for scraps of bread since she cannot work or remarry. Miss America will be wowing the judges tonight with her rendition of the Puccini Aria, "O Mio Babbino Caro". Miss Afghanistan has sadly bowed out of the talent portion of tonight's competition, as she's forbidden from singing (or even listening to) music of any kind. During her reign as Miss America, Kate's travels have taken her all over America for personal appearances and fund raisers. Miss Afghanistan cannot drive or be out after dark, but she does leave her house occasionally when accompanied by a male family member. Miss America is an advocate for breast cancer research. Miss Afghanistan hopes she does not get breast cancer, because she cannot be treated by a male doctor, and for all practical purposes has no access to medical treatment of any kind. As Miss America, Kate is an eligible bachelorette - she can date, marry, or even divorce anyone she chooses. Miss Afghanistan is to be sold into an arranged marriage to a man who already has two wives, but she'll be treated to an execution by stoning if caught in the company of a male outside of her family. To guard against possible skin cancer, Miss America takes advantage of sunblock when she's enjoying a relaxing day at the beach. To guard against possible skin cancer, Miss Afghanistan is required to paint the windows of her house black, and her pale skin hasn't seen a ray of sunlight in years thanks to that burqua. Thankfully, Miss America's lovely choice of swimwear fully meets pageant standards -- she'd have otherwise been disqualified. Thankfully, the holes in Miss Afghanistan's facial mesh aren't too large -- she'd have otherwise been flogged. As Miss America, Kate has the option of bearing as many or as few children as she likes one day, and in a country with one of the world's lowest infant mortality rates. Miss Afghanistan's several pregnancies will more than likely be forced, and one out of four of her children won't see their 5th birthday. Miss America will likely be quite eloquent tonight - she's majoring in speech communications at PSU. Miss Afghanistan will likely be rather quiet tonight - she's forbidden from speaking in public. Miss America is 21. Since the life expectancy for an American woman is around 80, she's still a rather young woman. Miss Afghanistan is also 21. But since her life expectancy is around 43, she's already middle-aged. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Listen Live | 5-Day Archive Affiliates | House of Fun contact us | contributors members | about phil | sound bits what's up? | whatever | get this! ROBERT D. FOWLER
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