: The Top 25 Things You Don't Want to Hear Your Stock Broker Say

< The Top 25 Things You Don't Want to Hear Your Stock Broker Say
<
< 25< "Allow me to illustrate: Suppose this ceramic coffee mug here
< represents your high tech portfolio and this cast iron paperweight
< represents the current economic trends..."
< 24< "No, I don't mean it's time to sell eBay, I mean it's time to sell
< everything you own *on* eBay."
< 23< "Oops, I had these charts upside down. Dammit."
< 22< "Can I call you right back? I've got my bankruptcy attorney holding
< on < the other line."
< 21< "Please don't hang up-I'm only allowed one call..."<
< 20< "First, the good news: you won't have any problems with capital gains
< taxes this year..."
< 19< "I recommend rolling your last $100 into a blanket, a shopping cart,
< and < a case of Night Train."
< 18< "Your position in the market? Bent over, grabbing your ankles."
< 17< "I can't talk long-I'm on my cell phone and the pavement is coming
< up *really* fast now..."
< 16< "So then I said, 'What the hell is a margin call?'"
< 15) "Can I borrow fifty bucks? Seriously."
< 14) "Day trading's for chumps. *Minute* trading is where the real money
< is."
< 13) "Given what's happened to your portfolio, I estimate you'll be able
< to retire 5-10 years after your death."
< 12) "I assure you, no one -- *no one* -- has a higher priority with me
< than < you, Mr. ... Mr. ..."<
< 11) "Remember how I said Yahoo was 'unstoppable'? Apparently it works in
< both directions."
< 10) "Remember, we're in it for the long run... 80 years from now, we'll
< look < back and laugh."
< 9) "Can I crash on your couch for a few weeks?"
< 8) "Do you know the difference between a PE ratio and a dividend ratio?
< No, really-I need to know."
< 7) "Dude! The market's in an *awesome* downward spiral, and we're all <
< like all... Hey! Fritos!"
< 6) "Good news! We can cross 'retirement' off your list of goals. That's
< one < less thing to worry about!"
< 5) "Remember when I said that you can't lose more in the stock market
< than you put in? Okay, never mind that."
< 4) "Sure Proctor & Gamble is a good investment, but wouldn't you rather
< own < your *own* soap business? I can help."
< 3) "You'd be worth more if you actually owned *a* red hat instead of
< shares *in* Red Hat."
< 2) "You'll have to speak up! It's very windy on this ledge!"<
< and the Number 1 Thing You Don't Wanna Hear Your Stock Broker Say...
< 1) "Sure it was diversified-we had dot-coms from all OVER the place!"
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