Ireland vs Iran

< Subject: IRAN vs. IRELAND
<
< Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when
< his telephone rang.
<
< "Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down
< at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we
< are officially declaring war on you!"
<
< "Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is
< your army?"
<
< "Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself,
< my cousin Sean, my next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire dart team from
< the pub. That makes eight!"
<
< Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one million men in my
< army waiting to move on my command."
<
< "Begorra!", said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"
<
< Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is
< still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
<
< "And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.
<
< "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
<
< Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks and
< 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2
< million since we last spoke."
<
< "Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
<
< Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war is
< still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified
< Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four
< boys from the Shamrock pub have joined us as well!"
<
< Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell
< you, Paddy, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My
< military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites.
< And
< since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
<
< "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."
<
< Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.
< Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
<
< "I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
<
< "Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and
< there's no way we can feed two million prisoners."
<
<