NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

----- Forwarded by Steven J Kean/NA/Enron on 11/30/2000 08:06 AM -----

Richard Shapiro
11/30/2000 07:45 AM

To: Steven J Kean/NA/Enron@Enron
cc:
Subject: NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

---------------------- Forwarded by Richard Shapiro/NA/Enron on 11/30/2000
07:45 AM ---------------------------
From: Mark Palmer on 11/15/2000 08:57 AM
To: Richard Shapiro/NA/Enron@Enron
cc:

Subject: NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

----- Forwarded by Mark Palmer/Corp/Enron on 11/15/2000 08:57 AM -----

Margaret Allen
11/15/2000 08:53 AM

To: mpalmer@enron.com
cc:
Subject: NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

Mark, you must read this! Very funny!

...from one of my limey friends....:)

<
<
<
< NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
< To the citizens of the United States of America,
< In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
< govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
< independence, effective today.
< Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
< over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which
< she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP
< for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a
< world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without
< the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be
< disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine
< whether any of you noticed.
< To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
< rules are introduced with immediate effect:
< 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
< Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be
< amazed at just how wrong you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you
< should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary".
< Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as
< "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
< communication. Look up "interspersed".
< 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know
< on your behalf.
< 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
< It
< really isn't that hard.
<
< 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
< the good guys.
< 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
< Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you
< to get confused and give up half way through.
< 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind
< of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
< game.
< The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders
< may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no
< longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
< Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a
< difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to
< play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve
< stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body
< armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby
< sevens side by 2005.
< 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons
< if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that
< there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The
< Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "sh*t".
< 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
< national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive
< Day".
< 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for
< your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we
< mean.
< 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
<
< Thank you for your cooperation.
<

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