FW: New Darwin Award winners are in...

-----Original Message-----
From: "SoRelle, Andrea L" <ASoRelle@h-s.com<@ENRON [mailto:IMCEANOTES-+22SoRelle+2C+20Andrea+20L+22+20+3CASoRelle+40h-s+2Ecom+3E+40ENRON@ENRON.com]
Sent: Thursday, May 17, 2001 2:40 PM
To: Clemons, Amy; 'Maggie work'; 'Marcy'; 'Rachel'; 'Shirley Elliott'; 'Tara Levinthal'; 'Stephanie'; Lenhart, Matthew; Pechersky, Svetlana
Subject: FW: New Darwin Award winners are in...

-----Original Message-----
From: Hugh Ramsey [mailto:hramsey@Intellimark-IT.com]
Sent: Thursday, May 17, 2001 9:13 AM
To: Healy work (E-mail); Ryan Messina (E-mail); Jay Hawley (E-mail);
Brad Field (E-mail); Marisa Hamilton (E-mail); Alan Knust (E-mail); Neek
Mousoudakis (E-mail); Alex Trapp (E-mail); Scott Archer (E-mail)
Subject: New Darwin Award winners are in...

They have finally been released! For those not familiar with the Darwin
Award, it's an annual honor given to the person who provided the
universal human gene pool the biggest service by getting killed in the
most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition this year has
been keen again. Some candidates appear to have trained their whole
lives for this event!

THE RUNNER-UPS

1. Detroit - A 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch wide sewer grate to
retrieve his car keys.

2. San Francisco - A 49-year-old stockbroker, who "totally zoned when
he ran" according to his wife, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his
daily run.

3. Buston, NC - a man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had
dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beachgoers said Daniel
Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun or for protection from the wind, and had
been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom when it collapsed, burying
him beneath 5 feet of sand. People used their hands and shovels,
trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but
could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment
almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was
pronounced dead at the hospital.

4. Lompoc, CA - Santiago Alvarado, 24 was killed as he fell face-first
through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was
caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth rammed into
the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

5. Dahlonega, GA - ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20, was stabbed to death by
fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove that a knife
could not penetrate the flack vest Berrena was wearing.

6. Selbyville, DE - Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26 was killed as he won a
bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

7. Windsor, Ontario - Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a
head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the game of chicken they were
playing with their snowmobiles.

8. Taos, NM - A woman went to a poison control center after eating
three birth-control vaginal inserts. Marie Valishnokov (who spoke
little English) thought the inserts were candy or gum, being unable to
read the foil wrappers. After the third one, she realized something was
wrong with her throat and her mouth began to fill with a sour-tasting
foam. She ran for the Poison Control Center where doctors were able to
flush the foam from her mouth, throat and stomach with no ill effects.

9. La Grange, GA - Attorney Antonio Mendoza was released from a trauma
center after having a cell phone removed from his rectum. "My dog drags
the thing all over the house," he said later. "He must have dragged it
into the shower. I slipped on the tile, tripped against the dog and sat
down right on the thing." The extraction took more than three hours
because the cover to Mendoza's phone had opened during insertion. "He
was a real trooper during the entire episode," said Dr. Dennis Crobe.
"Tony just
cracked jokes and really seemed to be enjoying himself. Three times
during the extraction his phone rang and each time, he made jokes about
it that just had us rolling on the floor. By the time we finished, we
really did expect to find an answering machine in there."

10. Bremerton, WA - Christopher Coulter and his wife Emily were engaging
in bondage games when Christopher suggested spreading peanut butter on
his genitals and letting Rudy, their Irish Setter, lick them clean.
Sadly, Rudy lost control and began tearing at Christopher's penis and
testicles. Rudy refused to obey commands and a panicked Emily threw a
bottle of perfume at the dog. The bottle broke, covering the dog and
Christopher with perfume. Rudy leaped back, tearing away the penis.
While trying to get her unconscious husband in the car to take him to
the hospital, Emily fell twice, injuring her wrists and ankle.
Christopher's penis was put in a Styrofoam ice cooler. "Chris is just
plain lucky," said the surgeon who spent eight hours reattaching the
penis. "Believe it or not, the perfume turned out to be very
fortuitous. The high alcohol content, which must have been
excruciatingly painful, helped sterilize the wound. Also, aside from it
being removed, the damage caused by the dog's teeth to the penis per se
is minimal. It's really a very stringy piece of flesh. Mr. Coulter
stands an excellent chance of regaining the use of that limb."
Washington Animal Control has no plans to seize Rudy.

AND THE WINNER

Paderborn, Germany - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his
constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm
finally let fly and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive-oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on
him like a dumptruck full of mud. "The sheer force of the elephant's
unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he
struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued
to evacuate his bowels on top of him.

Jim Gruss
Executive Director - Gateway Region
St. Louis . Denver . Houston . San Francisco
IntelliMark IT Resources
701 Emerson Road, Suite 300
St. Louis, MO 63141
(314) 432-0018 phone
(314) 432-5198 fax
(314) 378-8175 cell
jgruss@intellimark-it.com