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Teb,
You've got to read this--even if you're in the middle of something important--ESPECIALLY if you're in the middle of something important. Enjoy!! Love, Sandy Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Return-Path: <jshafham@monad.net< Received: from rly-xc04.mx.aol.com (rly-xc04.mail.aol.com [172.20.105.137]) by air-xc05.mail.aol.com (v77_r1.36) with ESMTP; Tue, 08 May 2001 07:27:58 -0400 Received: from smtp.mcttelecom.com (smtp.mcttelecom.com [204.97.16.55]) by rly-xc04.mx.aol.com (v77_r1.36) with ESMTP; Tue, 08 May 2001 07:27:24 -0400 Received: from monad.net (arc1-p2-31.keene.monad.net [204.97.236.31]) by smtp.mcttelecom.com (8.10.0/Nope) with ESMTP id f48BIaE00915; Tue, 8 May 2001 07:18:37 -0400 (EDT) Message-ID: <3AF7D9C3.375081DB@monad.net< Date: Tue, 08 May 2001 07:34:27 -0400 From: jshafham@monad.net Reply-To: jshafham@monad.net X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.75 (Macintosh; U; PPC) X-Accept-Language: en MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Ardis Bond family <arbond@home.com<, Bruce Hammond <toons@brucehammond.com<, Susan Dunholter <sdunholter@sde.com<, Lida Rose <lrose49@earthlink.net<, susyandtom <susyandtom@top.monad.net<, "Shaffer, Henry" <hshaffer@bridgew.edu<, Sarah Hale <sehale@monad.net<, Meredith Martin <martinmm@fpc.edu<, Sandy Taylor <sandyteb@aol.com<, Margaret Gurney <gurney@monad.net<, melissa <stephensonm@monad.net<, Linda Ottavi <ottavi@sunrise.mv.com<, Jane Force <janeforce@aol.com<, Larry Shaffer <lshaffer@crosslink.net<, Lajla K <lajla@sharonarts.org<, John Sias <JNSias@aol.com<, Janet Lutkus <j_lutkus@conknet.com<, Christine Force <forcec@msu.edu<, Jackie Shaffer <shafferjacquelin@hotmail.com<, David Weir <drw@monad.mv.com< Subject: More funny stuff (church bulletins) Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii; x-mac-type="54455854"; x-mac-creator="4D4F5353" These aren't from Bill (my usual source), but from another Lyceum committee member. Have a good morning. --jill ************* <These are actual clippings from church newspapers It's amazing what a little proofreading would prevent: << << Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight << at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear << Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. << << Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & << FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and << Prayer conference includes meals." << << Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in << the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King. << << Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," << giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. << << "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid << of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget << your husbands." << << Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. << Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone << come for a fun time. << << The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due << to a conflict. << << The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon << tonight: "Searching for Jesus." << << Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all << the help they can get. << << Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more << transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests << tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons. << << The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir << will sing "Break Forth into Joy." << << Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. << << Smile at someone who is hard to love. << << Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you. << << Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help. << << Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the << church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. << << At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is << Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. << << Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition << of several new members and to the deterioration of some older << ones. << << The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoy << sinning to join the choir. << << Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be << recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. << << The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed << potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a << nominal feel. For those of you who have children and don't know << it, we have a nursery downstairs. << << Please place your donation in the envelope along with the << deceased person(s) you want remembered. << << Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy << lunch. << << The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb << entertainment, and gracious hostility. << << Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M.-prayer and medication to << follow. << << The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. << They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. This << evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across << from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. << << Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All << ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. << is done. << << The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation << would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast << next Sunday morning. << << Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday. Please use the << back door. << << The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the << Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to << attend this tragedy. << << Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian << Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. << << Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes. << << The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign << slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours." << << << Contributed by: Julie Cummings
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