Fw: 5 questions most feared by men are

---------------------- Forwarded by Andrea Ring/HOU/ECT on 04/05/2001 03:53
PM ---------------------------

From: Karen D McIlvoy 04/05/2001 09:17 AM

To: jadd202@aol.com
cc: (bcc: Andrea Ring/HOU/ECT)
Subject: Fw: 5 questions most feared by men are

The 5 questions most feared by men are:

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed
to
explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e.,
tells
the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed
below,
along with possible responses.

QUESTION #1: WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been quiet
dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful,
caring,
intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which
most
likely is one of the following:
1. Hockey.
2. Sex.
3. How fat you are.
4. How much prettier she is than you.
5. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who
once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be
talking to you!"

QUESTION #2: DO YOU LOVE ME?

The proper response is: "YES" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is
in
order, "Yes, dear."

Inappropriate responses include:
1. Oh Yeah, shit loads.
2. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
3. That depends on what you mean by love.
4. Does it matter?
5. Who? Me?

QUESTION #3: DO I LOOK FAT?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Among the incorrect answers are:
1. Compared to what?
2. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
3. A little extra weight looks good on you.
4. I've seen fatter.
5. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would
spend the insurance money if you died.

QUESTION #4: DO YOU THINK SHE'S PRETTIER THAN ME?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Incorrect responses include:
1. Yes, but you have a better personality.
2. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
3. Not as pretty as you were when you were her age.
4. Define pretty.
5. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would
spend the insurance money if you died.

QUESTION #5: WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I DIED?

A definite no-win question. The real answer, of course, is "Buy Corvette
and Boat". No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an
hour
of follow-up questions, usually along these lines:

Woman: Would you get married again?
Man: Definitely not!

Woman: Why not? Don't you like being married?
Man: Of course I do.

Woman: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
Man: Okay, I'd get married again.

Woman: You would?(WITH A HURT LOOK ON HER FACE) Would you sleep with her
in our bed?
Man: Where else would we sleep?

Woman: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of
her?
Man: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

Woman: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
Man: She can't use them; she's left-handed.

Woman: ---silence---
Man: shit