Fwd: FW: Just a few tips for Christmas eating

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From: Julianna Grisham <Julianna.Grisham@Halliburton.com<
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Subject: FW: Just a few tips for Christmas eating
Date: Mon, 11 Dec 2000 08:02:57 -0600
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<
< Just a few tips for Christmas eating.
<
<
< We all know that the true meaning of Christmas is not crass
< Commercialism -- but few realize how important food is. So here are
< some tips
< On Holiday eating:
<
< 1.) About those carrot sticks: Avoid them. Anyone who puts
< carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas
< spirit. In
< fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door where they are
< serving rum balls.
<
< 2.) Drink as much eggnog as you can ...and quickly (I
< recommend A&E, the king of eggnog). Like fine scotch, it is rare. You
< can't find
< it any other time of the year but now. So drink up. Who cares that it has
< 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an
< eggnogaholic or something. It is a treat. Have one for me. It's later
< than you
< think. It's Christmas.
<
< 3.) If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole
< point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone, it is one of the basic food
< groups.
< Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it
< With gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat!
<
< 4.) Speaking of mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made
< with skim milk or whole milk. I won't even mention the dreaded
< instant ones. If it is not whole milk, pass. Why bother? It's like buying
< sports
< car with an automatic transmission.
<
< 5.) Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to
< control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to
< eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? Remember college?
<
< 6.) Under no circumstance should you exercise between now and New
< Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.
< This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the
< buffet
< Table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
<
< 7.) If you come across something really good at a buffet table,
< like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa,
< position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can
< before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair
< of shoes. You
< can't leave them behind. You're not going to see them again.
<
< 8.) Same for pies: Apple, pumpkin, mincemeat ... have a
< slice of each (you don't want to hurt the hostess' feelings). If you
< don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three.
< When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
<
< 9.) Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded
< with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it all costs. I mean,
< have some standards, mate.
<
< 10.) And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you
< leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying
< Attention.
< Reread tips. Start over.
<
< But hurry, Cookieless January is just around the corner.
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