|
|
Enron Mail |
< < < If you are a George Carlin fan, this will start your morning. < < Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little < bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE < < Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section < in a swimming pool? < < OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa < Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee < Titans? < < If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... Does that mean that one enjoys < it? < < There are three religious truths: < 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. < 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian < faith. < 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters. < < ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ < George Carlin Imponderables: < < 1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he < become disoriented? < < 2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland < called Holes? < < 3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack? < < 4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? < < 5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? < < 6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? < < 7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two < cents in . . . what happens to the other penny? < < 8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? < < 9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread < to begin with? < < 10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? < < 11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who < drives a race car not called a racist? < < 12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites? < < 13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? < < 14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? < < 15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. < Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? < < 16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that < electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models < deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? < < 17. If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? < < 18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? < < 19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? < < 20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more < as they get older; then it dawned on me. They're cramming for their final < exam. < < 21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons < and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? < < 22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are < we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on < the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they < deliver the mail? < < 23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the < others here for? < < 24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. < < 25. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning. < < 26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? < < 27. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went < nuts. < < 28. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? < < 29. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G? < < < < < < < <
|