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---------------------- Forwarded by Dawn C Kenne/HOU/ECT on 01/30/2001 08:03
AM --------------------------- From: Torrey Moorer on 01/30/2001 07:56 AM To: Dawn C Kenne/HOU/ECT@ECT, Peter Berzins/NA/Enron@Enron, Matt Motsinger/HOU/ECT@ECT, Simone La Rose/HOU/ECT@ECT, Adam Johnson/NA/Enron@Enron, Tara Sweitzer/HOU/ECT@ECT cc: Subject: Fw: If Texans didn't think this way... this would be funny!!!! ---------------------- Forwarded by Torrey Moorer/HOU/ECT on 01/30/2001 08:01 AM --------------------------- Jim & Tracey <lawstar@swbell.net< on 01/29/2001 05:40:50 PM To: Torrey.Moorer@enron.com, Malcolm Guidry <mamosi.guidry@prodigy.net<, Kilraven19@aol.com, CMcgalin@aol.com, "BAKER, ERIN R" <EBAKER@entergy.com< cc: Subject: Fw: If Texans didn't think this way... this would be funny!!!! ----- Original Message ----- From: Aleta Nash <anash@spnbl.com< To: Carol Foster <cfoster.GWPO.SPNBL_GWDOMAIN@spnbl.com<; Doneane Beckcom <dbeckcom.GWPO.SPNBL_GWDOMAIN@spnbl.com<; Dana Overstreet <doverstreet.GWPO.SPNBL_GWDOMAIN@spnbl.com<; Michelle Pitts <mpitts.GWPO.SPNBL_GWDOMAIN@spnbl.com< Sent: Monday, January 29, 2001 4:54 PM Subject: If Texans didn't think this way... this would be funny!!!! Foreigner's Travel Guide to Texas < < < Like it or not, the new Texas White House will be in Crawford, Texas and < soon will be drawing a number of people to the state, including many who < are not used to Texas ways. They might find the following advice useful. < < < 1) Don't expect to find filet mignon or pasta primavera at the local < restaurant. It's a cafe. They serve hamburgers and chicken fried steak. Let < them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass. < < < 2) Don't laugh at the names (Merleen, Bodie, Bubba, Bobby Ray, Curley, Tammy < Lynn, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.). Or we will HAVE to kick your ass. < < < 3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda. In Texas it's called a < coke. Nobody gives a damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or < whatever - it's still a coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass < kicking. < < < 4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (read some J. < Frank Dobie). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer than < you. Don't refer to us as a bunch of cowboy hicks, or we'll kick your ass. < < < 5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Howard Hughes, H. Ross Perot, < Southwest Airlines, Dell computers). Naturally, sometimes we have small < lapses in judgment (e.g., Phil Gramm). However, we are not dumb enough to < let someone move to our state just so they can run for the US Senate. If < anyone tried to do that they would get a serious ass kickin'. < < < 6a) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Gen. Hood < you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. < < < 6b) IF you visit the Alamo, take your hat off and be properly humble, or < we'll kick your ass. < < < 7) We are fully aware of how hot it gets and high the humidity is, so shut < up about it. If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen, or we'll < kick your ass. < < < 8a) Do not attempt to eat tamales without first removing their corn husk < casing. Everyone will instantly know that you're a Yankee. < < < 8b) DO NOT, under any circumstances, complain that the chili is TOO hot or < contains no kidney beans, this will get your ass kicked into next week. < < < 9) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know they < are not. Many of us have visited Northern hell-holes like Detroit, Chicago, < and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta < is ready when you are. Move your ass on home - before we kick it. < < < 10) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we < don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we < are saying. All other Texans understand what we are saying and that's all < that matters. Now, go away, or we'll kick your ass. < < < 11) Don't complain that certain areas of this state "smell" of oil. If < your livelihood depended on those wells you'd soon learn to love the aroma. < Besides, None of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you < whine about OUR scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass all the way back to < Pittsburgh, PA. < < < 12) Don't ridicule our Texas manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold doors < open for others. We offer our seats to old folks. Such things are expected < of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired < grandmothers, or they'll kick your ass -- just like they did ours. < < < 13) Don't think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in small < towns. We do this because we have enough sense to not live in crime < infested cesspools like Baltimore. Make fun of our small towns and we'll < kick your ass. < < < 14) DO NOT DARE to tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your ass < shot (right after it is kicked). Criticize the barbecue and you may go home < in a pine box -- minus your ass. < < < 15) Remember, the only reason you are lucky enough to be here in the first < place is because we have not pulled the Border Patrol off the Rio Grande and < put them on the Red River (where they really belong) to keep your ass out. < < < 16) Enjoy your visit.
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